Jan. 18th, 2010

anielmom: (Default)
A friend sent this to me a while ago.  It cracks me up every time. 

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...




8:00am- Dog food!  my favorite thing!
9:30am- A car ride!  my favorite thing!
9:40am- A walk in the park!  My favorite thing
10:30am- Got rubbed and petted!  My favorite thing!
12:00pm- Lunch!  my favorite thing!
1:00pm- Played in the yard!  my favorite thing!
3:00pm- Wagged y tail!  my favorite thing!
5:00pm- Milk bones!  my favorite thing!
7:00pm- Got to play ball!  my favorite thing!
8:00pm- Wow!  Watched t.v. with the people!  My favorite thing!
11:00pm- Sleeping on the bed!  My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a cat's diary...



Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.  Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In a attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.


Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped it's headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.  However, they merely mad condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.  Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.  I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.  I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'  I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage...

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one my my tormentors by waving around his feet as he was walking.  I must try this again tomorrow--but at the to of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges.  he is regularly released- and seems more than willing to return.  He is obviously retarded.  The bird has got to be an informant.  I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.  I am certain he reports my every moove.  My captors have arranged pritective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.  For now.....


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